Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
