ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
