i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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