My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
