I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
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