So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Randomize
