it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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