Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize