You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
