loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
