yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
