Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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