I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
