If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
