i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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