I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
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