If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
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