3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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