the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
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