I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
