"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
