Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Randomize
