I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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