im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
