You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
