Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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