Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
