im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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