I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
