Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
