HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Randomize
