I just pynch a tree in the face
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
