Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
