Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
