The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
