We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
pray to the hookup gods
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
