So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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