oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Are my feet made of real feet?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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