Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
