Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
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