Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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