btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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