well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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