She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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