So drunk its hurt
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
as a side note pls kill me
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
