I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
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every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
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Found your dick twin last night
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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