dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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