first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Randomize
