fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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