brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
