I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
