dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
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i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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