I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word