the condom got lost in my hair
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.