kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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