I think my fart just growled at me.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long