I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day