its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?