My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
