I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
