So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
