How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
