Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
