Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
