so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
