I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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