The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
It all started with a game of naked twister.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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