First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
