i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
